Vanity & Sin

Best Movie Ever...

"What Dreams May Come"

What's wrong with the idea that your soul mate rescues you after you're both dead? AND you get a second chance?

Maybe it's the connection I feel with the wife/mother every time she cries in this one.. I've seen that in my own reflection too often in life..?? Maybe because my soul is wandering somewhere waiting to be rescued...

Maybe because I am dead already...

Your Shit Storm Awaits...

Too much has happened this year for me to just easily wrap my mind around anything. Way too much. Things I never expected, things I never dreamed... Things only to leave me wondering just when and where I got off the train and stopped paying attention. I am a mom now, still a widow, still wondering when my heart will and can find peace.

Matt's killer will be released back into society any day now.. I can only pray the cops are waiting for him.. 3 years of nothing, 3 years of pain, 3 years of hope that justice will be served - only to be let down.

Motherhood entered into my life, recentering my entire being.. making me see the world through a new set of eyes..

Death has come again to a friend whose life was too short, a mother, a friend, a strong and beautiful woman - someone who I never thought I'd see buried before me or before anyone. Tiff was 25. The same age as Matt...

These things make you think. Think where you went wrong, think what you did right, think what you could do to make it all be just a bit easier - just a little more pleasant...

And my mind drifts to a time long gone, a time I left behind. And I give up. I am tired of believing. Hoping. Maybe it's truly just easier to function and get through the day.

I am just so tired of people's self-preservation bullshit - it sickens me to realize they can't see outside their own world and into others. But we are all supposed to pity them and be there for them and try to be a friend, when all they want is a sounding board. Would it be easier for you if I gave a shit what you think?

I've lived, loved, lost, and suffered... so the fuck what? Go plant your own funeral for affection with those who haven't been listening to your shit for almost 13 years.

We'll Miss You Tiffanie...

My friend Tiffanie passed away yesterday afternoon ~ and my heart goes out to her family. I found out at work which was awkward..that whole processn of death sinking in has a heartwrenching effect sometimes, but I'm okay. She was so peaceful these past few weeks that her optimism became contagious - and my girl is at peace at last. And I am happy that she is no longer in pain.. Her sons are doing okay too so far...

I love you Tiff!! You were a Rockstar, amazing woman, mother, and friend.. You'll always have a place in my heart...

In Memory of Tiffanie Wyke...
May 25, 1983 - August 29, 2008

3 Years...

Today is the 3 year anniversary of Matt's death, and I must say that time has not made it any less of a memory. It doesn't fade. It doesn't stop aching. I'll never stop missing him. I'll never stop loving him. I don't think I could even if I tried. I thought that maybe with time, this day would come easier, but it has only made me more open to who I really am inside. It's a day of re-awakening and love. I know he's with me & always will be...I wouldn't trade these memories or silent tears for anything in the world.

In Loving Memory by Alter Bridge

Thanks for all you've done
I've missed you for so long,
I can't believe your gone

You still live in me,
I feel you in the wind,
You guide me constantly

I never knew what it was to be alone no,
Because you were always there for me,
You were always waiting.

Now I come home and I miss your face so,
Smiling down on me,

I close my eyes to see and I know
You're a part of me, and its your song
That sets me free
I sing it while
I feel I cant hold on
I sing tonight
Because it comforts me

I carry the things that remind me of you,
In loving memory of,
The one that was so true

You were as kind as you could be,
And even though you're gone,
You still mean the world to me

I never knew what it was to be alone no,
Because you were always there for me,
You were always waiting.

But now I come home and its not the same no,
Feels empty and alone,
I can't believe you're gone
And I know

You're a part of me, and its your song
That sets me free
I sing it while
I feel I cant hold on
I sing tonight
Because it comforts me

I'm glad it set you free from sorrow,
I'll still love you more tomorrow,
And you'll be here with me still.

All you did, you did with feeling,
And you always found the meaning,
And you always will,
And you always will,
And you always will.

And I know,
You're a part of me, and its your song
That sets me free
I sing it wild
I feel I cant hold on
I sing tonight
Because it comforts me