Vanity & Sin

I have spent the past 4 days in tears and sleepless nights because whatever I say upsets him. Talking to my mother upsets him. Trying to better our lives upsets him. Voicing my opinion upsets him.. is it the lack of drugs in his system? Is that even an excuse? Should it be necessary for him to be high to treat me with respect? And payday isn't until Friday - I hate drugs, and I hate men that tell me they need them to eat, to sleep, to not want to rip my throat out of my neck.

I want out.. I can't sneak any of my money out of the bank because he is paying too much attention. I can't tell him he's wrong and cruel because it will keep me up until 3am. I can't breathe or even see my reflection anymore. I have become a shadow of who I once was. Am I bitching and moaning? YES and I don't even care. I knew a year ago I should have left. To where, I didn't know and I thought I would be a failure because I didn't give my marriage a chance. Well here I am now, failing to have a backbone.

I guess these things take time to resolve - that bastard put his hands on me again!!! And then had the nerve to cry about it. And I KNOW he is hoping I will let it slide this time. Well he's got another war coming.... and I hope it rips his heart out of his chest for me to eat right in front of him.

I hope everyone out there remembers, male or female, we all have a set of balls hiding somewhere.

Cheers!