Vanity & Sin

13 Days and Counting...

Until I get to see my mom! I am excited, but I am really anticipating the events surrounding my visit. So much is going to change in my life and quickly pending this visit and my performance review at work. September 1st they are going to determine if I can handle my job or not. Considering the fact that I have never working in staffing nor human resources, I would say that I am handling my job well.

So I am keeping my chin up and praying for a smooth landing. I find myself at times chanting the reasoning behind my 'to be announced' choices. And I am attempting to conquer the feeling of being alone, even when I am married to 'The Warden' and truly wish not to be. It's as though I need to remind myself why I am going to leave him to keep me from falling back into the slump I have been in since the last time I left him.

Why wait? Because I am scared, I am nervous, and I really need the support of my mom. I know I have my dad's, but my mother is tougher to deal with. She wants a picture perfect life for me, even if it doesn't exist with my current husband. She wants grandbabies, and happiness for me, but I need her to understand how I feel and that those things do not exist for me. Or at least let her know. And she can go from there. My whole world is about to collapse, and I fear the time afterward. What is going to happen next? I have so many questions that are not ready to be answered yet.

There is so much that I want to know, but I fear that if I push now - I will run in the wrong direction again if I hear something I am not fully prepared for. Or something that I want to hear, and don't.

Will I make the right choice next time?