Vanity & Sin

Something Is Off...

As a step-mom, I play a 'weekend' mom to 'The Warden's' 3 year old son. I love him, he drives me nuts at times, and we have hit a brick wall. Aside from potty training and all those fun times, I realized we have a severe problem. What once started as cute is now scary. And I am the only one who gives a damn.

'Boogie' likes pink. To a point where he has chosen to argue with me over what color shoes I pick out at Payless. He wants only the girl character's from comic flicks, Star Wars and now BARBIE. He literally bawled his eyes out because I would not buy him the girl toy at McDonald's. Can you believe it? Something is seriously WRONG here!! I have said something to 'The Warden' and he treats it like a joke as does his mother (who I shall refer to as 'The Flake'), giving me the "he's just a baby" crap. No way. Not when he's in the bathtub pretending to put on his makeup!

Since I have met 'The Warden', 'The Flake' and 'Boogie' - I have been patient and slowly adapting awkwardly to this situation. I am not a natural born mother - nor am I looking forward to it anytime soon. At least not any more. This man will NOT be the father of my children.. I can admit that. But when I, of ALL PEOPLE, am the only one concerned with the welfare of this child, that really bothers me! Why do I have to be the Mom, the Step-mom, and the freaking Father??? Isn't his job to do boy stuff? When does Dad step in to try and fix this? 'The Warden' just says for me to take him out and teach him to ride a bike, go play in the dirt, shoot guns..so that he won't become a faggot.

Last time I checked, I am a girl. A bit of a tomboy - but a girl, and 'Boogie' knows that and sees me in that light. I hold no Male Father Figure qualities that he should be getting.

And as a side note, I am in this soley based on marriage, and the original plan was for me and 'The Warden' to do this TOGETHER! I feel like he is asking me to raise his son too and keep him out of the headache of being a father! Frankly, I think that if he doesn't want to show any effort, I might as well get out while I can. This isn't a one way street and, OH? I think HE is the one that told me that.

So in my rebuttal to being told what I need to do to resolve the 'girly' tendencies... I told 'The Warden' that if he is so concerned about his son being gay, that he can feel free to divorce me and go be with 'The Flake' so that he can make sure his son grows up to be a MAN. Because she'll do whatever he says and I sure as hell WON'T.

He didn't like that too much.. but he didn't get mad this time..just played doe eyed dick. Maybe it wasn't that bad of an idea. Subliminal messages I heard, work like a charm. I wish he'd tell me he wanted to get back with her. He didn't slap her around. And I would have the papers ready to be signed, notarized and paid for. I couldn't get out of this quick enough.

To all the Baby's Daddy's out there: No matter how much you may feel you are pushed away by your baby's momma.. please do not give up hope on your abilities to be a father. Because no matter what, that child will always know how much you tried to be there. It's tough, but you're either IN or your OUT.