Vanity & Sin

Open Wounds

It's about to begin...the long drawn out process of law. Tomorrow is Matt's killer's preliminary hearing, a 5 minute plea of guilty or not guilty. And then they set the date for all of this to truly begin. I am not excited. I am nervous. What am I going to see? Hear? Feel? No matter how hard I try to walk upright everyday, I still fall to pieces. I am not over this, not at all. I just don't understand WHY! Why did someone have to kill him? I feel utterly destroyed at times - and at other times, on a new path in life, tough but filled with lessons. But then, that is what we call 'grief', I guess. I call it insanity.

No folks, I am not the same. I am often moody, often happy and often just plain depressed. It's not that hard to stop and think for one second and remember that though I may be smiling, I am still hurting inside. Show some fucking respect.

And thank you to all of my FRIENDS and FAMILY for being patient with me and being respectful and understanding. I know at times I may be a bit off the wall - but I am really trying hard to get through this, and it's harder than I am really letting on. I love you all!