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November 2, 2005
Motivated
For the past couple of days, I have been extremely motivated! On a personal level...cleaning the house, preparing for a garage sale - exercise, yoga and now even reading Shakespeare! I just feel so alive - it's a beautiful thing. I go through my ups and downs - as I am sure anyone would in my situation, but it feels good to feel good again. Optimism is a beautiful thing.
I will probably remain in Arizona for the duration of the trial. I want to experience it, and be a part of the end result. And after that - I am highly considering returning 'home'. Initially from the midwest, I think it may be best to leave this life here. I know that I can stay and move on - but at this point, it's something that I am not really looking forward to doing. Arizona has definitely matured me through all the experiences I have had, and I don't know what is left for me here. I no longer know my purpose in life - and I feel that maybe I need to get back to my roots and grow there. Of course, I love the weather here and the life, but I no longer feel like I am moving forward. For the past for years I have grown as an individual, experienced things that not many 23 year old's have...and I want to feel safe again. More often than not here in AZ, my world has been rocked by events - and I feel that I need to go home. I want to be closer to my parents...I have my brother here...but I am close to my parents and would rather be within driving distance - versus plane flights.
These are just random thoughts - but they are good thoughts and they make me feel good. My husband was my safety before, he was my home and my world. Now that that is all gone, I need to find that home and safe place within myself, and I just don't know if it is out here anymore. At least I have a lot of time to think about it.
Posted by bea at November 2, 2005 11:11 AM
Comments
Your home, your world, and your safety is all within you or me. Life is tough, but is possible with direction. Without it, it is a waste. With direction, you know where you came from and, like an arrow, you know where you are going. To get back to your roots is to look at a compus and make the decision to live. Too often people forget there is a way up, a way out, or, depending how you look at it, a way back into this world of pulse raising beauty and heart stopping irony. The bridges are never burned and the birds are always welcoming. Good Luck. Peter
Posted by: pete at November 4, 2005 11:25 PM
Thanks Pete! - Nothing is ever easy in life and I can vouch for that - and direction is hard to find. I am hoping that by returning back home, I can find my path again - because it's completely stopped and faded here... or turned in a completely different direction and I have no idea anymore what to expect out of life... Safety may come from within, but strength comes in numbers..
Posted by: bea at November 7, 2005 9:01 AM