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January 23, 2006
A Quaint Dose of Reality...
I woke up yesterday... feeling like crap. Minus the fact that I had drank a lot of rum the night before...but I asked myself, "what the hell am I doing?" I don't even know anymore... So I spent the sunset sitting in the cemetary crying - not sure why this has happened and what am I to do next. What am I supposed to be learning from all this? Am I on a mission to seek and destroy the male species? I don't know... but I feel like I am lining up victims for my mental massacre. These boys just drool, and slobber and offer me the world - anything I want, for what? My attention? Cause they sure as hell aren't getting any.. Guys are wierd...
Life is quirky...
Do you find it funny how certain things come up at the wierdest times?? As if there are no gaps in time, no moment missed though it's been years - and it makes you cry. I cried last night - maybe inside I've been crying all along... My life is just messed up. And I am still scared to go home. Maybe when I thought I'd been growing and living - in reality, I have been running away all along. I think I still am now. And I don't know why anymore... I know that I wish I could just stop - but this is one dose of reality I don't know if either of us is ready for... if we ever will be.
Posted by bea at January 23, 2006 5:54 AM
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