Vanity & Sin

I think...

I could be gradually destroying the best thing that has ever happened to me. I've never been more scared, or uncertain in my life! And the funny thing is.. this may all be some sick waking nightmare that I can't see through yet because fear has blinded me although warm hands are only wanting to hold me. I have this awful tendency to doubt reality and how I feel - how others feel...and I don't want to lose this time. I am tired of losing...

Memorial Day...

Soo... scratch the Oklahoma thing.. too far to drive. Car is NOT in the best condition.. So "D" and I are going to Bisbee, Arizona! A nifty little hippy town south of Tucson, by Tombstone - Mexico - other small/OLD towns. I am so excited.. and so is he! Hopefully I'll get spoiled this weekend, but I am looking foward to seeing some new sites, checking out some Arts/Crafts fairs - and going on a mining tour (yeah, I can be down to earth!).. It will be a nice getaway in the mountains... Much needed and long overdue!! Will get some pics up too!

Happy Tuesday!

Ahh, what a week! I came into work at 6:30am to invest some time in BEA... I have been so busy working and helping others, I seem to have forgotten what I was initially looking for - for myself. I so desperately need to move forward with my life, and I've been stuck spinning in circles for too long.

At the end of the month, my boyfriend and I are going to Lawton, OK for my niece (Trinity Beatrice) and her christening. I am the godmother and my baby bro is the godfather. I cannot wait!! My Memorial Day weekend will be memorable - seeing my parent's and my brother's for the first time since my husband died.. will be a great reunion and one of much better circumstance. It's going to be wonderful!!

More updates soon!

Do I seem bitter?

Try dreaming about your dead husband for 4 nights straight, waking up to realize it was only a dream... then read his autopsy report you finally had the balls to send for - and deal with the misfortunate immaturity of those around you who just don't seem to get that there is more to life than piddly bullshit.

Sometimes, wake up calls are subtle - others are bold. I just want people to know that I am well aware of what is important and what isn't, sorry if I come across as a bitch.

I'm Highly Entertained....

By the ways of the world around me. Observing immigrant protests to roommates working out their horrific differences.. to odd disputes that aren't even really important. It really makes me take a look at myself and see how far I've come.

Yesterday, someone said to me 'You must be a handful'. Not really folks, just no more bull shit - from anyone. I don't need it, it's a waste of time and energy. If people would just stop being vague and move forward with life - it may sting some, but things actually work out better in the long run. So many people waste time involving themselves in things they are no part of, and really shouldn't be..

The hilarity is gonna kill me.