Vanity & Sin

Memories..

Here I am again, facing another life changing experience that I never chose. On Monday morning, I received a message from my storage facility stating that they 'accidentally' auctioned off all of my possessions that I had stored there due to a billing error. Everything I've held dear over the years is gone. I had kept my husband's suit from the wedding, some antique furniture and records - my life was in there. Pictures of my wedding, two trunks of items that I was saving for Matt's son when he got older. Things of his father's that he will never see again. I was crushed. Who in their right mind would do something like that? Do they even realize what kind of mistake just occurred? When I go to get my own place in the future, I have absolutely NOTHING to take with me except a few books, clothes and 2 photo albums thank GOD I unpacked. That's all I have left, all I have left of me.

It has been almost a year, and now this. I was so devastated, I could barely breathe. People have tried to say that everything happens for a reason, but this is just wrong. It seems as a wound heals, someone tears it apart again. I feel like I am being torn apart!

The only good thing out of all this is 'D' - he said, "Bea, with everything you've been through - you are still standing, and people admire you for that. This is just another test that you will survive and still stand as strong as you have. No one has stopped you yet."

And they never fucking will. I take beating after beating, and still get back up. I don't always want to, but I have to. I don't think everyone really sees that or respects that, nor do I want any special treatment because my life is tough. We all have our equal share of problems. But dammit, I just want to be 'okay' for a while. I need a break from all this.