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August 15, 2006

Round II

I guess this is my first real update in a while. It has been quite a roller coaster ride - as always, right? Let's see, where do I begin?

I am going on vacation to California this weekend with Derek. I am celebrating my one year anniversary of Matt's death out on our favorite beaches, sunshine and beautiful Cali weather. I cannot wait! I need a vacation so bad, and I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate. Friday cannot come soon enough.

And I am doing okay. I slipped a little last night. A year ago yesterday, my husband and I were talking about the anniversary of his dad's death, life in general, the future of our marriage and how we would be buried. I held back every emotion I could, for fear that my husband was sweet talking me - but looking back, I knew he meant everything he said. Especially there at the end. Maybe somewhere deep inside he knew that he would be gone 8 days later. We started making peace that day, and it was beautiful.

So I am hanging in there - doing as best I can to get through this, but I have been very optimistic. It is hard, and hard for Derek because there are moments he just doesn't know what to do. I always welcome his support and understand. No one knows how to deal with this, even me. So we are taking things one step at a time, even with me grieving - and it is the most wonderful experience of my life. I have been truly blessed this year in finding him, and I can't even think of a bad thing to say about him! It's almost gross, but a much needed change from my wacky relationships. I am happy, I have a great support group around me and I could not ask for more. I have come such a long way - I am even back in school - 8 weeks in and doing great! I love it, and have been so motivated. My life has finally come around to where I want it to be - my wounds didn't break me, I have survived and will continue to enjoy my life because I am the only one who can make it worth anything.

And that is all that matters to me.

Posted by bea at 4:32 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack


Jekyll & Hyde

You remind me of a cigarette
You burn up slowly and go out like that
You make it harder for me to breathe
You make my head hurt
You make my skin stink
So why don't you, leave me alone
Say you were wrong....

Cause I don't wanna hide
Neither tears are said to dry
I want more than just to try and love you
Jekyll and Hyde

Well it's not easy for me to be
Somebody different, somebody else but me
But Joe the actor, the extraordinaire
You make it seem like I'm the crazy one here
So why don't you, leave me alone
Say you were wrong...

Well I am willing to forgive
Are u willing to take ownership?
Cause I'm so willing to forgive
We're only given one chance to live
Cause I don't wanna hide
Neither tears are said to dry
I want more than just to try and love you
Jekyll and Hyde

By Plumb

Posted by bea at 4:28 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack