Vanity & Sin

Round II

I guess this is my first real update in a while. It has been quite a roller coaster ride - as always, right? Let's see, where do I begin?

I am going on vacation to California this weekend with Derek. I am celebrating my one year anniversary of Matt's death out on our favorite beaches, sunshine and beautiful Cali weather. I cannot wait! I need a vacation so bad, and I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate. Friday cannot come soon enough.

And I am doing okay. I slipped a little last night. A year ago yesterday, my husband and I were talking about the anniversary of his dad's death, life in general, the future of our marriage and how we would be buried. I held back every emotion I could, for fear that my husband was sweet talking me - but looking back, I knew he meant everything he said. Especially there at the end. Maybe somewhere deep inside he knew that he would be gone 8 days later. We started making peace that day, and it was beautiful.

So I am hanging in there - doing as best I can to get through this, but I have been very optimistic. It is hard, and hard for Derek because there are moments he just doesn't know what to do. I always welcome his support and understand. No one knows how to deal with this, even me. So we are taking things one step at a time, even with me grieving - and it is the most wonderful experience of my life. I have been truly blessed this year in finding him, and I can't even think of a bad thing to say about him! It's almost gross, but a much needed change from my wacky relationships. I am happy, I have a great support group around me and I could not ask for more. I have come such a long way - I am even back in school - 8 weeks in and doing great! I love it, and have been so motivated. My life has finally come around to where I want it to be - my wounds didn't break me, I have survived and will continue to enjoy my life because I am the only one who can make it worth anything.

And that is all that matters to me.