Vanity & Sin

Binky Diving

I find it hilarious that my life has come to this turning point with the joys of motherhood. Aside from binky dives, spit up on my shirt, booger suckers, and diapers...it's not so bad! Honestly though, my daughter is a month old now and I am still reveling in the shock of it all. Derek has had a harder time adjusting (I think). I am not sure, but he is pretty upset sometimes that he can't play Halo. I am pretty upset because I hardly have time for school! It'd be nice to get a little bit of help, but that hasn't happened yet. I won't lie. Thank god my mother is coming into town. I've even considered stopping after my Associates and waiting on my Bachelor's. If he doesn't step up soon - I am gonna freak out. Well - freak out more than I have already. I think he is a little intimidated by her, but when he commented that this time of her life is my job - I almost punched him in the face.

I am a mom - unmarried and struggling in a relationship that was never based much on anything except friendship and fun. His parents were in town and kept bugging about marriage - but what the hell would I get married for? I have no desire to and I don't believe in marrying anyone I am not in love with. Simple. And I am not in love with anyone. But I am worried that I am watching a relationship dissolve yet cling together solely on the basis that we have a child together.

Everything happens for a reason and I really wonder where this road is headed...

Lesson Learned by Alicia Keys

He broke my heart
and now it's raining
Just to rub it in
I'm at your door
I feel so crazy bout' it
You say I told you so
You saw it long ago
You knew he had to go
I finally came around
I'm back on solid ground
Can't let it get me down

It's alright
It's alright
It's alright
It's alright

Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned.
Mistake overturned so I called it a lesson learned.
My soul has returned so I call it a lesson learned.
Another lesson Learned

Sometimes some lies can
Take a minute to fully realize

His tears your eyes
Thirty seconds to apologize
You give him one more chance
Just like the time before
But he already knows you'd give a hundred more
Until that night in bed, you wake up in a sweat
Your racing to the door
Can't take it anymore

I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned so i called it lesson learned.
My soul has returned so I call it a lesson learned.
Another lesson learned....

Life perfect, aint perfect if you don't know what the struggles for
Falling down aint falling down if you don't cry when you hit the floor
It's called the past 'cause im getting past
And i ain't nothing like I was before.
You ought to see me now.

Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned but i called it lesson learned.
My soul has returned so I call it a lesson learned.
Another lesson learned....

Holy Update

Wow. I just realized that I have really been slacking on posts! I must admit, the holidays were really rough for me. Flat out depressing honestly. Being pregnant and going through my supposed favorite time of the year was horrific. I think I did nothing but stare at the tv and cry off and on New Year's Eve. It was awful.

But the good news is that I am B.A.C.K.! I had my daughter Aliyah Teresa on February 20th at 4:21pm ~ 7lbs 3oz of love ~ 20 inches long. She is 3 weeks old today and I actually have a moment to be on here! She is changing so much and so quickly. Motherhood has definitely slapped me in the mouth - and whoever thought I'd be good at this owes me a drink. I have never been more tested in my life. I love my daughter to death - but wow - it's tough. And Derek hasn't really gotten his feet wet yet - but that's another story. Let's just say I may as well be a single mom? I tihnk he may be a bit intimidated - and I have to put my foot up his ass?

I have realized more about myself and my current so-called relationship pretty quicky since Aliyah's arrival. All is well - but life really did throw me for a loop. More to come!