Vanity & Sin

Binky Diving

I find it hilarious that my life has come to this turning point with the joys of motherhood. Aside from binky dives, spit up on my shirt, booger suckers, and diapers...it's not so bad! Honestly though, my daughter is a month old now and I am still reveling in the shock of it all. Derek has had a harder time adjusting (I think). I am not sure, but he is pretty upset sometimes that he can't play Halo. I am pretty upset because I hardly have time for school! It'd be nice to get a little bit of help, but that hasn't happened yet. I won't lie. Thank god my mother is coming into town. I've even considered stopping after my Associates and waiting on my Bachelor's. If he doesn't step up soon - I am gonna freak out. Well - freak out more than I have already. I think he is a little intimidated by her, but when he commented that this time of her life is my job - I almost punched him in the face.

I am a mom - unmarried and struggling in a relationship that was never based much on anything except friendship and fun. His parents were in town and kept bugging about marriage - but what the hell would I get married for? I have no desire to and I don't believe in marrying anyone I am not in love with. Simple. And I am not in love with anyone. But I am worried that I am watching a relationship dissolve yet cling together solely on the basis that we have a child together.

Everything happens for a reason and I really wonder where this road is headed...