Vanity & Sin

Take My Hand by Dido

Touch my skin,and tell me what you're thinking
Take my hand and show me where we're going
Lie down next to me, look into my eyes and tell me
Oh, tell me what you're seeing

So sit on top of the world and tell me how you're feeling
What you feel now is what I feel for you
Take my hand and if I'm lying to you
I'll always be alone, if I'm lying to you

See my eyes, they carry your reflection
Watch my lips and hear the words I'm telling you
Give your trust to me and look into my heart and show me
And show me what you're doing

So sit on top of the world and tell me how you're feeling
What you feel now is what I feel for you
Take my hand and if I'm lying to you
I'll always be alone, if I'm lying to you

Take your time, and if I'm lying to you
I know you'll find that you believe me
You believe me, you believe me
You believe me

Feel the sun on your face and tell me what you're thinking
Catch the snow on your tongue and show me how it tastes

Take my hand and if I'm lying to you
I'll always be alone, if I'm lying to you
Take your time and if I'm lying to you
I know you'll find that you believe me

Take my hand and if I'm lying to you
I'll always be alone, if I'm lying to you
Take your time and if I'm lying to you
I know you'll find that you believe me
You believe me, you believe me
You believe me, you believe me
You believe me...

F*%$ if I Know!!

*Anything about 'blogging'
*Why some people just DON'T grasp reality very well
*Or why company's outsource to people who don't speak nor comprehend English for American, English speaking customers...

Amazing. Is it Friday yet?

Happy Flu!!

Happy Happy, Joy Joy!!

What a great week so far! I haven't felt this good in a LONG time - even with all the bullshit going on. I just got a surprise promotion yesterday - and I start that on Monday! After all the years of crap here, at last some recognition. Going to be working in a new office, with new people in an entirely new environment that works so well for my degree, it's scary. It's exciting because it's a great step forward that I have really wanted and needed - didn't really think they'd give me this opportunity. So kudos to me!!

I am getting excited about the upcoming fall too! Matt should be home by Labor Day. He starts that lengthy journey home very soon. Things are almost squared away to where I can move into my own new place, and I even made some more travel plans for me and my monkey! My mom should be here in early October to help out with Aliyah & chill out in the dry Arizona warmth ~ I can't wait for her to be here!! Things are really starting to look up for me as the year hits the countdown to 2009.

It's just feeling really good to be on the right path again that I've stepped aside from for so long, just letting things pass me by. I haven't felt this optimistic in a long time! I am really looking forward to the next few months to come - bringing me lots of change, chances, fun and LOTS to look forward to. More than some people thought I would, I think... But I am excited!! I'm doing what I want, my way - and I've never felt better about it.

I may just have to make some jello shots to celebrate - because there is much celebrating to do!!

Yesssss - I'll share...

Fill Me Up by Staind

I just had to let you know
'Cuz I don't always let it show
You give me needed room to grow
And I just had to tell you so

You fill me up,
You're in my veins
A look could take my breath away
And all these things, you give away
Sometimes I take for granted

It's just like poetry inside
To hear you breathing by my side
Like I’m in heaven and I’ve died
So glad you're with me for this ride

You fill me up,
You're in my veins
A look could take my breath away
And all these things, you give away
Sometimes I take for granted

I see your face to start my day
Makes all my bad dreams go away
And all the stupid games we play
Wouldn't have it any other way

You fill me up,
You're in my veins
A look could take my breath away
And all these things, you give away
Sometimes I take for granted

You fill me up,
You're in my veins
A look could take my breath away
And all these things, you give away
Sometimes I take for granted

You Know It's a Good Day...

When someone (not a co-worker thank god!) craps (yes, the doo doo) in both of your garbage cans in your bathroom at work, doesn't tell anyone - funks up the entire office, doesn't say anything...

And you can still smile about it at the end of the day!! I'm actually still laughing pretty hard about it..

Thinking Out Loud...

I have a lot on my mind right now ~ so I need to do a bit of rambling. A friend of mine has been diagnosed with cancer just recently - and I am having difficulty coming to terms with the situation. She is 25 years old, divorced with 2 sons - who are just amazing kids. She's had a hard life, and I think that is where she and I connected the strongest. She's been busting her ass for her boys and getting her life together...to get diagnosed with cancer.

Now, I've had my share of hard times myself - and no one can compare their woes to others because the effects of how traumatic events change our lives is different for everyone. She knew my husband, and was even at his funeral. And now I could be going to hers. That bothers me in ways I can't explain. I am staying as positive as I can, but today we were told that it is a very rare form of cancer and extremely aggressive. She's already had her Med-tube thing put in for her Chemotherapy to start - but no doctor has given a straight answer - because they have no answers. They don't know what it is - just cancer. And not good.

Since having my daughter, my life has changed completely. I have never felt more unselfish, more devoted, and more 'open' than ever before in my life. Something happened to me I guess when I became a 'mom'.. There's been a lot of changes, and especially a lot of self-realization. I know who I am now. I have a purpose. I'm hopeful..I can dream again. Whoever I was searching for all these years..is here. I have turned my back on so many people, people I've loved - people I've hated..solely to discover myself and get my head on straight. It's been a long, painful road to get here..but here I am. While I do have much ahead to conquer, I don't feel like I am fighting anymore. I'd lost everything only to gain more than I ever imagined back again... How am I so fortunate, when someone else deserves that chance? Why do I keep getting second or third chances? I am in a place right now I never imagined I'd ever see again because of choices I'd made in the past. I know what's happened to me for me to be here - and I won't give up and I won't let go...

But dammit. Life and death is inevitable. I know that better than I'd like to. But it's just so unfair, and all I can do is be strong for her, for myself, and for my daughter. It just doesn't feel like it's enough.

Heatwave V

What an amazing weekend I had! Heatwave V - courtesy of AGE Entertainment, was just the best time ever!! My first poker game EVER (and I didn't bust out!) - an unbelievably good time with good friends, food, and tons of fun! Ed put on such an amazing magic show & I got completely blitzed!! I haven't laughed so hard in a LONG time...wow, am I a goofball.

A much needed getaway that was so heartwrenching to part from... but I can't wait til next year!! I have 12 months to practice - and then it's ON!

Thank you Dave, Ed, & Krissy for putting up with me, letting me wash your dishes, and participating in another one of your fantabulous events of the year!! Aliyah & I will be back!

There For You by Flyleaf

Sometimes I'm a selfish fake.
You're always a true friend.
And I don't deserve you cause
I'm not there for you
Please forgive me again

I want to be there for you...
Someone you can come to...
Runs deeper then my bones
I want to be there for you...

Swirling shades of blue
Slow dancing in your sky...
The sun kisses the earth
And I hush my urge to cry

I want to be there for you...
Someone you can come to...
Runs deeper then my bones
I want to be there for you...

Cause I hear the whispered words,
In your masterpiece, beautiful...
You speak the unspeakable through...
I love you...too...

I want to be there for you...
Someone you can come to...
I want to be there for you...
And be.. someone you can come to...

(The love) It runs deeper than my bones...

(The love) I want to be there for you

Happy 4th of July!!

Happy 4th everyone!!

I hope everyone has a safe & wonderful weekend!! Mine is sure to be quiet...more news to come. Miss Mommy Bea is taking it easy this weekend - and it rained like a sonofabiscuit tonight, so no fireworks for me...but at least it was cancelled for a legit reason versus the risk of wildfires?

And thank god it rained...I was beginning to think I was in hell.

My brother is packing to come home from Iraq ~ this year has gone by rather fast & not quite fast enough at the same time. I'm looking forward to him being back on U.S. soil - something about that makes me feel just a bit safer...

Thanks Matt for fighting for our freedom that we continue to celebrate today, I love you bro. I can't wait til your home again - cuz we're gonna get DRUNK!! Grandma can take our daughters for a night?