Vanity & Sin

Exhausted and still going strong...

I love my new job, been slammed with finals..and am in dire need of a vacation!! I am trying desperately to adjust to my new commute, schedule, and classes - talk about insanity. On top of that, getting ready to move isn't making time availability any easier?

Why do I pile these things on myself? Or do I just love being to the max 100% of the time?

I've thought about that a lot the past few days - and I must say that I didn't intentionally pile these things on myself...I just didn't give up anything when I decided to be a mother. And I think that is the hardest part - to clear or not to clear my plate? I just refuse to put my career or education on hold - and while this is all a matter of opinion - why should I? Everything I do, I do for her.

But dammit, I need a break. I am not finding any relief here, and support is seriously lacking. I just need a break, which I know I'll get..and soon. I just hope that I have all of my hair when I get there.

Sometimes I really wonder if all the fighting is going to be even be worth it in the end. I can only hope I just get to the end - and when I can finally just let go of all the strings and schedules that I hold onto so dearly for life and just to get through each day... Can I ever really collapse?

I fucking doubt it.